What do Hillbilles Do on Halloween?

What do Hillbilles Do on Halloween?
Pump kin!

Why do lawyers wear ties?

Why do lawyers wear ties?
It keeps the foreskin from creeping up over their heads.

Mother's Day !

One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out.
He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.
After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny.He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.
Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!'
Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when its your mom is it?!'

Lesbian Friday! 50 lesbians and 50 state workers..

What do you have when you've got 50 lesbians and 50 state workers?
100 people that don't do dick

Harry & Carry

Harry: You've got no tits and your box is too tight.
Carrie: Get off my back!

Lesbian Friday! How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?

How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

Why is being in the military like a blowjob?

Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Lesbian Friday! What is a lesbian dinosaur called?

What is a lesbian dinosaur called?
A Lickalotapuss.

Why is a blonde like a turtle?

Why is a blonde like a turtle?
When you get them on their back, they're both fucked!

Lesbian Friday! What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.

A Singer Walked into an Agent's Office...

A singer walked into a talent agent's office and demanded an audition. The agent explained that he didn't need another singer, and anyway, they were a dime a dozen. The singer explained he was rather unique because he sang through his asshole. The agent was then curious and granted him an audition. The singer then dropped his pants and shit all over the carpet. Outraged, the agent yelled, "What the hell are you doing?" The singer replied "I'm just clearing my throat."

Lesbian Friday! What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?

What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.

What do butter and a hooker have in common?

What do butter and a hooker have in common?
They both spread for bread.

Lesbian Friday! What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?

What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.

What's the difference between your paycheck and your wife?

What's the difference between your paycheck and your wife?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Lesbian Friday! What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?

What do you call a pantry full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.

DEPARTMENT OF IRONY! Dalai Lama's Nephew Struck by SUV, Killed During Walk for Tibet

This is why excursions for causes don't really help:
"Florida:  At the beginning leg of a 500-kilometer walk to promote Tibetan independence from China, the  Dalai Lama's nephew was struck and killed by a vehicle along a dark Florida coastal highway, about 400 meters from where he planned to rest for the evening.
Jigme K. Norbu, 45, was heading south in the same direction as traffic, following the highway's white line when he was hit on Tuesday, according to the Highway Patrol. " Read the rest here.

My girlfriend said...

My girlfriend said, "Kiss me where it smells." So I took her to the Bronx Zoo.

Little Johnny walked in on his mom while she was taking a bath....

Little Johnny walked in on his mom while she was taking a bath.
"What's that?" he asked, pointing to her pubic hair.
"It's my face cloth, sweetheart," she answers.
"Oh yeah," he says. "I saw the maid washing Daddy's face with one last night."

I saw a man crying so I asked him what the problem was....

I saw a man crying so I asked him what the problem was. He told me he was sad because he traded his wife for a bottle of booze and he wished he had her back.
I said, "Because you love her and you miss her, right?"
He said, "No. Because I need another bottle of booze."

A certain young lady from Wheeling....

A certain young lady from Wheeling
Claimed to lack all sexual feeling
Till a cynic named Boris
Merely touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling