Blonde & The Car Mechanic

A Blonde told her girlfriend,
"I was so worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.
And I was so relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid!"

A man went went to the doctor...

A man went went to the doctor and said, "Doc, I've gained 80 pounds. I'm miserable, I can't even see my private parts."
The doctor  asked "Have you tried to diet?"
The man thought for a minute and said "What color?"

Hillary Clinton's Concussion...

A reporter asks Bill Clinton, "How's Hillary's head?"

Bill replied, "Well, she's no Monica."

The Romantic Blowjob

BOY: Give me a blowjob.
GIRL: Can you be more romantic?
BOY: Fine, give me a blowjob in the rain.

A Poem From The Heart

I sent my sinuses to Arizona,
I sent my liver to Peru.
I sent my lungs and my kidney
For the summer to Sydney,
But I'm sending my heart to you....

A Redneck walks in the gas station...

A redneck walks in the gas station and buys condoms and a case of beer. The cashier asks, "Would you like a bag?"

Redneck says, "No thanks, she's not that ugly."

What do Hillbilles Do on Halloween?

What do Hillbilles Do on Halloween?
Pump kin!