Sunday, June 21, 2015
Friday, June 19, 2015
Hot Dog Vendor at The WorldTrade Center
Q: What did the the hot-dog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?
A: Who ordered the 2 jumbo's?
A: Who ordered the 2 jumbo's?
Thursday, June 18, 2015
The Voodoo Dick
A husband must go on an extended business trip. He does not want to leave his horny young trophy wife all alone without some means of sexual satisfaction. He goes to the local sex shop to find her a nice dildo. He looks at all kinds of toys, and still can't find one he thinks will keep her happy the whole time he is gone. "Don't you have anything else, something really special?" he asks the proprietor.
The proprietor says "well, maybe the Voodoo Dick is what you need." He pulls out a mysterious looking old wooden box from behind the counter and unlocks it to reveal... an ordinary looking dildo!
"What's so special about this?" asks the husband. "Watch!" says the shopkeeper. He points the dildo at the door, says "Voodoo Dick, the Door!" and the dildo leaps out of his hand and screws the keyhole, splitting the door panel in the process.
"I'll take it!"
The man gives it to his wife. She is not impressed until he explains how it works.
A couple days after he has gone, the wife is horny, so she pulls out the Voodoo Dick.
"Voodoo Dick" she commands, "My pussy!" The dildo leaps to her pussy and screws and screws. After a few orgasms, she wants to stop but she can't pull it out and doesn't know how to turn it off. She thinks she'd better go to the hospital and heads down the highway, still being screwed by the dildo. It gets so bad she swerves on the road, and a cop pulls her over,thinking she must be drunk.
She explains the situation and asks for help removing the dildo.
The officer scoffs at this outlandish story. "Yeah right... Voodoo Dick, MY ASS!"
The proprietor says "well, maybe the Voodoo Dick is what you need." He pulls out a mysterious looking old wooden box from behind the counter and unlocks it to reveal... an ordinary looking dildo!
"What's so special about this?" asks the husband. "Watch!" says the shopkeeper. He points the dildo at the door, says "Voodoo Dick, the Door!" and the dildo leaps out of his hand and screws the keyhole, splitting the door panel in the process.
"I'll take it!"
The man gives it to his wife. She is not impressed until he explains how it works.
A couple days after he has gone, the wife is horny, so she pulls out the Voodoo Dick.
"Voodoo Dick" she commands, "My pussy!" The dildo leaps to her pussy and screws and screws. After a few orgasms, she wants to stop but she can't pull it out and doesn't know how to turn it off. She thinks she'd better go to the hospital and heads down the highway, still being screwed by the dildo. It gets so bad she swerves on the road, and a cop pulls her over,thinking she must be drunk.
She explains the situation and asks for help removing the dildo.
The officer scoffs at this outlandish story. "Yeah right... Voodoo Dick, MY ASS!"
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
The Fat Lady and The MIdget
Did you hear about the fat lady and the midget who had a very happy marriage?
A: She let him try a new wrinkle every night
A: She let him try a new wrinkle every night
Little Johnny asks his father what a womans private parts look like...
Little Johnny asks his father what a womans private parts look like. His father replies, "Well son, before sex they look rather like a flower in bloom."
Little Johnny thinks about that and says "What about after sex?"
His dather thinks for a minute. "Well son,, imagine a bulldog eating mayonnaise."
Little Johnny thinks about that and says "What about after sex?"
His dather thinks for a minute. "Well son,, imagine a bulldog eating mayonnaise."
Sunday, May 4, 2014
A man wants to introduce his nephew to the game of sex...
A man wants to introduce his nephew to the game of sex. The young man is worried that he might not do it right so his uncle comes up with a plan. The young man will get a prostitute, wine her and dine her, then take her back to his apartment for a night of pleasure. The uncle will be in the bedroom closet so if the boy has a problem, he can shout it out, and from the closet will come the answer about what to do. That night everything is going according to the plan. When they get back to the apartment the hooker gets into bed while the young man goes to the bathroom to put on a condom. The prostitute suddenly gets a cramp and must go to the bathroom now! She feels around the bed and grabs an empty shoe box and takes a big dump in it. Now here comes the young man walking in the dark room. He steps in the shoe box and shouts out, "There's shit in the box, there's shit in the box !!" From the closet comes the reply, "Then roll her over!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Two women are hiking in the woods...
Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream. Deciding the bridge is safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, "I`ve always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate off a bridge." The other woman looks around and says, "Well, I don`t see anyone around, now`s your chance!" The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to urinate, she looks over her shoulder. "Oh no!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!" Alarmed, the second woman hurries over,and peeks at the stream. "Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in, it was only your reflection."
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